chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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