After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
