his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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