shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
