I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if only i could text you this smell
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
These tits shall not be calmed
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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