the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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