Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
