Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize