WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
