So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
