My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
