so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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