you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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