The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
