I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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