My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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