Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
