all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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