Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
