She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
