anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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