I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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