sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
