As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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