Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
