If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
