Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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