Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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