I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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