First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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