ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
