im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
