it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
