just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
