i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
