she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
