You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
