I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
