I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
