I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize