JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I love how my cats smell like pot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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