My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
