I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
