i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I looked at my own cervix.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
