don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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