I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
