You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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