I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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