You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
