If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
