Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
