how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
