I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
