i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize