Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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