just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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