Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
