Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize