yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
they need to just BURY HIM!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
