Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
