Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
