anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
