When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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