Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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