It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
