I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
should my penis look like a turkey
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize