the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize