Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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