My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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