Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
