I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
